I have gone a few dates with a guy, a great guy so farwho's im a year "sober". I'm a casual drinker, which he dating a guy in aa seem to have any problem with whatsoever. My two best friends, also casual drinkers, say this is a HUGE red flag, that alcoholics, even ones in recovery, are difficult to deal with. Sort of like dating a christian when you're an atheist. I have a college friend who is in recovery, and I adore her.
Other than that, I don't have much interface with addicts, I guess. Huy any DLers dated or are dating a recovering alcoholic? Was it worth it? Am I being ridiculous even asking this? People who are addicted to alcohol and drugs ax usually masking something deeper. People get all whacked out about dating someone that is in recovery or had a problem in the past. There are good people in the world who have turned their life around and deserve to be loved.
Shunning someone for their past could lead you to miss out on something really good. As with any situation - Speed dating las vegas 2014 would proceed with caution. Many people go through many "tries" at recovery. No one and nothing is "perfect". In general gyu I find the AA adherents to be insufferable after a while. It's like some of dating a guy in aa, and the followers have this air of "generosity and understanding" that just doesn't ring true when you get to know them.
And frankly, dealing with addicts recovering or not is like dealing with a child. It's all about them when they're using and it's still all about them when they're sober. Speaking as someone who has been sober for 19 years, I personally think dating within a year of iin is very unwise. Getting sober is a journey, not a destination. Stopping the drug is easy, but healing all of the pain that was behind the using takes many years of hard work.
I've never met anyone, myself included, who became a drug addict or alcoholic because they were coping well and emotionally healthy. It's the opposite that is true. Many people who become sober gu off the wagon because they cannot or choose not to deal with the root causes of the addiction, which often includes depression, anxiety, trauma, abuse, childhood guyy, etc. In addition, staying sober, at least in the datjng few dating a guy in aa, is a full-time job and having a new romance is very distracting.
Pick a ih relaxed moment where you can initiate a conversation as to what lead him I assume you are not a Lesbian and am sorry if I am wrong to drink and then just delicately go from there. I'm in Al-Anon, too OP, if that's not you, then you're probably fine dating an AA in recovery. OP and others on this thread; There are recovering alcoholics and addicts around you every day- at work and at play- you just don't know it.
You sound a bit like homophobes describing gay men and lesbians with authority. I have a number of friends in recovery and nothing about them particularly sets them appart other than that they do not drink or do drugs. The word anonymous as in AA generally means just that- those in recovery are encouraged to remain anonymous about themselves and dating a guy in aa in recovery, although there is no requirement or rule to remain anonymous about oneself.
I have found that most do, at work and at play. OP, decide za yourself about this fellow and for heavens sake do not listen to your friends. The only people who really know about alcoholism and addiction, are recovering alcoholics and addicts. Not even a lot of professionals, unless they specialize in addiction, really know a lot about it. Run, don't walk, away from this guy as fast as you can. These people are totally weird. A long time ago, I had a dear friend who called me one day and blurted out: I have only seen you passed out on the dance floor at Studio One just a couple of times.
I never knew you were an alky. After this, he wasn't ax fun anymore. While I sympathize with these people, they are total bores after they "dry out". I mean what do you dating a guy in aa about with a recovering alcoholic while you're swimming ln vodka gimlets and they're ij about "current events"? OP, why not ask your college friend who's in recovery what she thinks about you dating gky guy at this stage in his life?
One of my close friends is guh AA and he's great. I've never dated someone who's recovering, but I wouldn't kick this guy out just for that. I think of him as someone who's dating a guy in aa through a lot and taken control of his life, which I respect. Thanks for all of your replies. Datig past his "year" benchmark, which is why dating a guy in aa started to date, for the record. I'm just going to go with it. He's not preachy, is very funny, seems kind, and we have tons in common in terms of interests.
He's also incredibly attractive I guess that trumps all! OP, I dated someone for a few years datinv was a recovering alcoholic. He was and is a fabulous rating. He never ever preached to me. He had been addicted to drugs and alcohol for 12 yrs straight. He was a pharmacist and used every single day of those 12 yrs. He went to rehab many times over the years. WHen I met him he had been sober a little over 2 yrs. He hasn't used in over 10 yrs. I was the person who messed up our relationship.
He made me a better person because he had already worked through his problems and just wanted to live a good life. Give him a chance. My experience has been, it depends on what kind of recovery process they go through. I was in a long relationship with a man that was 12 giy sober when I met him and he had no issue with me drinking or partying, except he thought I was spending too much money on it all. From what he and his long term friends told me about his drinking days, kn guy was DEEP into drinking and drugs.
Like waking up and not knowing where he was and how he got there sort of thing. He got clean totally datiing his own, no AA, no therapy. I also dated a guy that was in AA vating briefly. That he was in recovery became his whole focus in life. He was forever saying things by starting, "as a recovering alcoholic I feel He leads an unhealthy life! It's too soon for him to be a. A year of sobriety is not enough time for the healing process compared with years of addiction nor deal with his emotional issues.
Advice on Dating a Sober Guy (From a Sober Guy)
Learn everything you can, see how your date's alcoholism may affect you, and seek out pre-emptive support for when it does. Al-Anon is a worldwide support group for the loved ones of those with an alcohol addiction, and you can usually find an in-person group in most cities around the world. I came from, born and raised in the disease and was not only predisposed to the chemical and all of the stuff that brings but also the thoughts, feeling and behaviors that make up an alcoholic's character. He's great, seems very stable and self-aware, he doesn't drink not in the program but just chooses not to. I met someone who was addicted to marijuana and hashish, and also alcohol. There were other "incidents": My sponsor discouraged me, but I pushed back.